Did you just received an Autism or ADHD diagnosis? Or maybe you’re wondering about whether you might be neurodivergent? You aren’t alone. The rate of ADHD and Autism diagnoses is skyrocketing, especially amongst women. This time is one of significant personal reflection, mixed emotions, vulnerability and uncertainty.

The Research

Following years of organising toys according to size and colour or being called ‘stubborn’, you may be wondering whether those are symptoms rather than personality traits. Maybe now you’re hyper-fixated and researching all the things you do that might meet the diagnostic criteria? Luckily, there are now many accessible ways to research; social media is filled with information about ADHD and Autism, presented in conveniently short videos by people with brightly coloured hair.

If you’re considering pursuing a diagnosis, it might be a good idea to start a list of examples of where you might meet diagnostic criteria (especially those from childhood).

My one piece of advice though is to stop researching an hour or so before bed. It’s hard to sleep when you’re deep diving.

The Assessment

It’s common to have anxiety and worries about whether you will be believed, whether you will like the person you see and whether it’s going to be helpful for you to receive a diagnosis. In the lead up you might also worry about who to tell about the assessment and how they might react.

It is helpful to bring along the aforementioned list. It is very difficult to remember what to say when you’re anxious, being prepared will help. If you have any school reports, these are also helpful to bring along.

The After-math

For those who do receive a late diagnosis, the moment of realization can be a mix of emotions—relief, validation, and, disbelief.

While you might feel immediately relieved, it is also normal to wonder about whether you got it all wrong too. You might worry that you just made it all up and managed to convince the health professional.

However for many of us, our co-occuring health conditions provide objective evidence that we didn’t make it up. Some of the conditions that commonly co-occur are joint hyper-mobility (Ehlers-Danlos), POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), gastro-intestinal difficulties and autoimmune illness. You may also be someone who gets very motion sick, you might be incredibly clumsy or have chronic pain. You might also have a lengthy mental health history that seems ‘treatment resistant’. These clusters of medical and mental health issues can help us to ‘zoom out’ and find some solace that we got it right.

You also might experience guilt that you were able to obtain a diagnosis (and worry about people who can’t) and anger that your Autism or ADHD hadn’t been recognised previously. You might wonder how you managed to fly under the radar for so long and end up on a rage-fuelled research session about feminism and medical research (Did you know there were no studies of ADHD in females until the 1990’s?!).

You might also start to notice increasing social anxiety and sensory sensitivities. This new level of awareness that maybe you overshare with people, or that you’re info-dumping can bring about significant discomfort and anxiety. At times this might make it harder for you to decide to go out, and make staying home feel much more tolerable. While that discomfort feels awful in the short term, this can also page the way to some easier social experiences. This might be because you have more self-awareness, it might be that you’re better able to manage your sensory needs, or it might just mean that it’s easier for you to now ‘find your tribe’.

The realization that their struggles were not due to laziness or lack of intelligence but rather a brain wired differently can be incredibly empowering. However, the road to self-acceptance can be long. There might be an emotional toll—feelings of grief, regret, or anger about missed opportunities, undiagnosed struggles, and years spent beating themselves up for things beyond their control.

Yet this is also a time of transformation. Armed with a diagnosis, individuals often begin exploring tools and strategies that can help manage symptoms—such as creating routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, or learning to embrace and work with their unique brain wiring. In this stage, many find themselves building a new relationship with themselves, learning how to embrace their ADHD while understanding its limitations and advantages.

The Future: Living with ADHD, Not Defined by It

After a late diagnosis, the path forward involves ongoing self-awareness and growth. The key in this stage is acceptance. While the world may still be full of expectations that aren’t always aligned with how someone with ADHD functions, there’s a newfound sense of self-respect. The realization that they are not broken, but rather wired differently, can be incredibly liberating.

The ripple effects of a late diagnosis also extend to relationships and work. Understanding ADHD can lead to better communication and empathy with loved ones, as well as more effective interactions at work. Those who are diagnosed later in life often learn to advocate for themselves, asking for accommodations or adjusting expectations to better suit their needs.

In relationships, the clarity that comes with a diagnosis can help partners and friends understand past behaviors that might have been misunderstood. Miscommunications and frustrations can be replaced with compassion and a stronger understanding of how ADHD affects daily life.

In the workplace, individuals may find themselves better equipped to advocate for the resources or accommodations they need, whether that’s through structured work environments or taking breaks when necessary to manage their focus.

Rewriting the Narrative

A late ADHD diagnosis doesn’t erase the challenges or frustrations of the past, but it offers the opportunity to rewrite the narrative. It’s a chance to reclaim lost time and to grow into a better understanding of yourself. It’s about learning to live in a world that wasn’t designed for neurodivergence, whilst embracing the unique gifts that ADHD can bring.

For those experiencing a late diagnosis, know this: You are not alone. The journey from confusion to clarity can be difficult, but it is also one of empowerment. The diagnosis is not a final chapter; it is simply the beginning of a new understanding of who you are and how you can thrive.